***Update/Prologue/Maybe It's an Epilogue Since I Wrote It Last***
(Kimberly at All Work And No Play Make Mommy Go Something Something suggested that I link this up to her Secret Mommyhood Confession Saturday. And so I am. Because one does not dismiss a suggestion from such an illustrious lady. That would be like turning down a cup of tea with the Queen of England. Queen of Canada?)
Today I took young Master Skeletor to a psychological evaluation at the hands of the State in order to see if he qualifies for SSI. (SSI means Social Security something that starts with I, for those of you who are just not as informed as I am.) As I'm unable to work full time hours while simultaneously preventing my son from laying waste to entire cityscapes, this extra cashflow each month would be greatly appreciated. And thus ends the portion of this post where I attempt to justify my family's suckling at the government's teat. Or suckling attempts. Attempted suckling. Whatever, point being is we went to a doctor's appointment today where, unlike any other place or time, we kind of wanted our child to be on his worst behavior. Maybe that's putting it wrong. More autistic-y? Ugh, now I've probably offended. We wanted the full scope of his condition to be shown so that the doctor could make an informed decision about our child's need for SSI. (Whew, finally spit it out.) The evaluation went very well, but during the course of the appointment, I grew very confused. The doctor was giving Skeletor all sorts of tests and other official thingamabobs, and the kid was blowing them out of the water. The doctor paused mid-question to inform me that "he's sharp!" Which placed me in such a strange predicament. There I was being all super proud of my clearly genetically enhanced child, while at the same time hoping that my son's performance on this test wouldn't negate his receiving the SSI benefits that we so desperately need. Now I feel all guilty. And dirty. I'm going to go take a shower, and try to wash off my shame.
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| Please, sir, may I have some more? (This is how I felt today.) |
I'm in the same boat but for myself. I am filing for disability because of my chronic back pain issues and for my mental illness. I didn't do it for a long time because I felt ashamed to do it. Mostly because I thought that there were so many other people who could use it and are far worse than I am. But I have been unable to work for 2 years and we cannot afford it.
ReplyDeleteSigh...
I totally understand this.
Ugh, I know. It just makes one feel so icky and sucky! And, I didn't even think about that, but I'm totes going to link up!
DeletePS. You should link this up on my mommy hood confession on Saturday :)
ReplyDeleteFor some reason the word suckling has me in stitches. Clearly, it's not taking much for me to get a laugh on. And hugs, getting services for our kids is a long, hard road.
ReplyDeleteSuckling.
DeleteYou're brave to write about it so openly. I'm awestruck by your honesty and candor and sheer kickassedness (real word). Thank you for sharing and I hope your family gets the help you need.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to explain the legitimacy of that word to me. I'm totally on board! And thanks so much. We definitely need all the happy thoughts we can get.
DeleteThose who give the most usually have the hardest time asking for help. You know what your son needs, and getting him that help is worth every bit of effort. Be proud of the fact that you are willing to squirm to make a good parenting decision-that's the power of Mother Love. Keep your head up. You're doing great.
ReplyDeleteI'm all emotional these days. This actually made me tear up a smidge! Thanks!
DeleteI know this feeling so well. I haven't done the SSI, but we have had plenty of state and school assessments to qualify (or "re-qualify") for services. So I am always in that quandry of wanting his autism at full force ie: wanting them to see what I deal with as opposed to him being on his best behavior, because I know how much he needs these services. Which is weird for a mom, right? What kind of mom doesn't want their kid to be on his best behavior.
ReplyDeleteAnyway stand tall and proud. You are doing what you need to do for your kid.
Thanks! It really is just the strangest feeling!
DeleteHave you by any chance read Joe Blair's superb memoir about his (severely) autistic son, By The Iowa Sea? Best book I've read all year. Stunning.
ReplyDeleteMay all your children be precisely as messed up as you need them to be at that moment, dear, and no more.
A) That is the best advice about parenting that I've ever heard. B) I didn't even know of that book's existence until just this moment, but I will definitely be putting it on my wishlist!
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