Saturday, January 26, 2013

Skeletor's Birthday Bash!

     My sweet angel baby, Skeletor, turned 6 on Wednesday.  We had a small family party on Sunday.  It all went quite smoothly considering that we went out to eat at my place of employment.  As this was only Skeletor's second time at a restaurant that doesn't have a playground, I was nervous.  But it all went well.  Cake was eaten, presents were opened, pinatas were beaten.  Good times all around.  I will now bombard you with pictures.  You're welcome.

Kick-ass shark cake!

Birthday boy!

Miss Priss and Sassafrass looking so sweet.

My brother, Mr. Awesome, and my mom, The Mamaw.

Smarty Pants looking so grown!  :(

"I'm going to eat you, lobster."

Decisions are hard.

Captain Gingerbeard looks veeerrrry sleeeeepy.

Some random hobo in a Red Lobster  jacket.

The girl's got skills.

The face of pure happiness.

Shark cage!

Beat that shark like he owes you money!


My mom likes toys.

Skeletor's shark face.

Sharks are delicious.

Cupcakes for school.  And that's all, folks!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

5 Second Parenthood Readiness Test

          Do you find yourself wondering if you are ready to be a parent?  If you read this blog, in all likelyhood you have already reproduced, but I'm sure there are exceptions to this rule.  Regardless, if you read the following anecdote, and you find it anything other than completely reasonable, then you are probably not ready for parenthood.  Because no event in my life has more perfectly encapsulated the very essence of raising kids than this one.  Over the last couple of weeks, Skeletor has been having...poop issues.  Yeah, I know.  TMI.  Whatever.  We've all been there.  Point being, is that the aforementioned feces (baby mice!) were colored in such a way as to freak us out.  And, keep in mind, I'm a mother and a grown-ass woman, so green poop doesn't scare me.  Anyhoozle, the Captain and I were being all eagle eyed and such about the boy's trips to the bathroom.  We also had long, detailed conversations about them.  We were right on the verge of taking him to the doctor, where there would have been bloodwork done and traumas endured, when the Chalky Menace finally ended.  While I was at work on Saturday night, Skeletor had a poop so lovely and normal looking that Captain Gingerbeard was inspired to take a picture of it for me.  When I got home that night, I was greeted with the digital image of my son's leavings.  And, after marveling with relief at the utter typical-ness of the poo, I began to laugh my ass off.  Because, as I mentioned earlier, I can't think of a more perfect analogy for parenting than taking a picture of your child's poop. 

Friday, January 11, 2013

Rhyming Dirty Words

     Let's just forget my last hissy fit of a blog post, shall we?  Is that cool with everyone?  Yes?  Good.  Moving on, then.  Shortly before Christmas, Skeletor's class began really hammering home the concept of rhyming words.  Either that, or Skeletor just waited until then to show off his new skill.  Regardless, the boy has been walking around rhyming everything.  At first, I was all, "Yay!  Good job, boy child!  I'm so very proud of you!"  But that pride has suddenly changed to...well, a mixture of feelings.
     In the last couple of months, Skeletor has become very "interested" in sharks.  Meaning, of course, that he eats, sleeps, breathes, and talks about nothing but sharks.  Especially Jaws.  Jaws is his jam.  I say all of that to say this.  Everyone knows the scene at the end of the movie "Jaws" where Brody feeds Jaws an oxygen tank and utters the iconic "Smile, you son of a" line before blowing Jaws into chum.  Well, that scene is classic for a reason.  And, as such, it has resonated with Skeletor, too.  Honestly, I don't even know if the movie actually finishes that line, but a lot of the YouTube "Jaws" parodies that Skeletor has been watching certainly do.  (Yeah, I know.  I'm a crappy parent.  Whatevers.)
     ANYWAY, to finally get to the point of this post, learning how to rhyme plus shark explosion related dirty words has led to Skeletor's new favorite past time, rhyming dirty words.  First it was, "Smile, you son of a witch!"  Now, it's "dumblass" and "bam!"  I'm sure it's just a matter of time before he graduates to "motherclucker."  Frankly, I was unaware that the boy had so many curse words stored away in that brain of his.  (Again, I suck at life and parenting.)
     Part of me is chagrined.  All I need is for him to go off on a rhyming tangent at school.  I've already been there and done that this school year.  Another part of me is impressed by the critical thinking skills required to pull this off.  But, mostly?  I just think it's freaking hilarious.

I don't know why I find this so funny.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Get It Together, Lady!

     Alternate title: Why I Suck At Life.  So, I am in a full on shame spiral these days.  Overwhelmed doesn't even do it justice.  I feel like there's so much crap that I need to be doing, and I'm not getting anything done.  And I don't mean "I really should wash those baseboards" kind of stuff.  I'm talking therapies, educational needs, disability services...and those baseboards.  Skeletor has been making remarkable improvements with his speech and his behavior, but there is still so much to do.  I look at all these blogs and articles, and, where they used to inspire me to action, they now seem to exhaust me.  There is so much that I could be doing for my son and for my other children, but I can't seem to find the forward momentum to do one more thing.  And I'm not okay with this.  I'm an over-achiever.  I always have been.  And I'm not used to having to try so hard at things.  But this whole special needs parenting shebang is kicking my ass all over the place.  I truly have to get it together.  Because I can do better. 

How I feel about life, right now.