Sunday, April 15, 2012

Greetings and Salutations!

    Well, hello, all of you people who are not reading this!  Fancy meeting you here!  Anyhoozle, I was recently made aware that all stay-at-home moms have blogs.  It's just what we do.  So, as I like to pretend that I am all hip and with it and whatnot, I am currently in the process (like right this second) of starting a blog.  Because people totes care what I think?  Maybe?  Probably not, but that's cool.
    As I said, I'm a stay-at-home mom.  SAHM's, I believe is what we're called.  I mean, once a month (or for entire years, which is less fun) I am also a combat medic in the National Guard.  Which I absolutely fluv!  (Fluv = effing love, by the by.  I sometimes make up my own language.  I apologize in advance.)  To clarify, I love the blood and guts and army-ish aspect of the Guard, not so much the leaving my family.  I am married to a super awesome man who, for the purposes of this blog, shall henceforth be referred to as Captain Gingerbeard.  He's just the cat's pajamas, and my bestie with testes!  I have provided maternal DNA to four beautiful kids, code names Smarty Pants (age 10,) Miss Priss (age 8,) Sassafrass (age 6,) and Skeletor (age 5.)  Skeletor (the only boy) was not given his name because he's "even more eviler than Skeletor," but because he is obsessed with skeletons and all things Halloween.  We are currently awaiting an appointment with the Pediatric Developmental Disorders clinic at Vanderbilt, which I'm told is very good.  The general consensus, thus far, is that he has some form of autism.  So, I'm sure we'll be talking about that, as well.
     One final thing before I go take my meds and get my cutie sleep, I have some mystery illness that could be Lupus/Lyme Disease/Fibromyalgia/Rheumatoid Arthritis/There's Nothing Wrong With You, but the final diagnosis has yet to be reached.  I call it my TICWeed (Terrible Intercontinental Wasting Disease.)  It used to be my Terrible Iraqi Wasting Disease, because it started while I was deployed, but as it followed me home, its name had to be tweaked.  So, there you go.  Me in a nutshell.  Did anyone else just think of that scene from Austin Powers?  No?  Just me?  Okay, then.


  1. It was really hard for me to read anything passed "Captain Gingerbeard" holy crap, thats funny & then you had to go ahead & kill me with 'bestie with testes'!! Good times! I really like your blog!

  2. Awwww, spanks! I really appreciate that, especially since I have no clue what I'm doing! Much obliged, sir! Exclamation point!

  3. I had that same disease, or at least those were the things they said it probably wasn't but were as close as they could get. Turned out I had 4 cups of water trapped around my heart which almost killed me and had to be drained into the most disgusting clear plastic suitcase EVAHHHH!

    Oh, and I love your sense of humor - you's funny!

  4. Oh, great! Now I'm gonna have to go tell my doctor that I need a plastic suitcase! Thanks for all your kind words and whatnot! I think you're just excellicious as well! Um, it appears that I have a problem with exclamation points, for reals. Sorries!

  5. I am looking through your blog posts because you kinda crack me up, NOT because I'm a cyber stalker. (But that's probably what a cyber stalker would say so you need to decide if you can believe me.)
    I love your kids names. Was this |-| close to calling my oldest "smarty pants" instead of "Blondie" but didn't know if that was cool. I think it works!
    Also I have a special affinity for Skeletor. (The character, not your boy although I'm sure he's darling too. Just trying to deemphasize the cyber stalker tendencies showing up here).
    Maybe we actually are sister wives. It would have been nice of the man to set us up in a commune together so we could at least benefit from the arrangement! Ok, I'll stop oversharing and being creepy right now.

  6. I'm gonna go ahead and decide you aren't a stalker, but I'm going to reserve the right to change my mind later. :) If you love Skeletor, you will love the shirt I found. It says "WWSD, What would skeletor do?" Pretty much the greatest thing ever. And you're right, it's quite rude of the man to not at least let us have the extra set of hands and extra ears to bitch to!