Monday, April 30, 2012

Lyme in the Coconut

     Good news, everyone!  My Terrible Intercontinental Wasting Disease (my TIC-Weed,) or the illness formerly known as my Terrible Iraqi Wasting Disease, now officially has a name.  One recognized by the AMA (the American Medical Association; not to be confused with MMA, where two guys choke each other out until one of them confesses his love for the other.)  You're never gonna guess what it is!  Not even if you fought your way through the labyrinthine subtext of this post's title.  Go on and guess.  I'll wait.

Here's a hint.

      For those of you who still truly haven't figured out the name of my mystery illness, it is -imaginary drum roll- Lyme Disease!  I have to admit, when I was told that my first test for the Lymes was positive, I was pretty much dumbfounded.  I blame it on all that time spent peeing in the woods.  (I'm looking at you, Army.)  Today, at my VA appointment, I was given a for realsies diagnosis.  No more of this, "well, it could be" or "has anyone every suggested."  I finally have a real name for my real disease!  One that is absolutely not just in my head, as I was starting to fear it to be.
     Now, that I have a diagnosis, there is still a long road down which I must drag my nether regions.  But, at least I've actually found the road, instead of just running through the woods all willy nilly.  (Which I have been known to do.  Hence the fact that I now have Lyme Disease.)  So, yay for baby steps!  And for those who wish to know, Lyme Disease does, in fact, blow super hard.  So wear bug spray.

This is my new mascot, Lyme Kitty.  Lyme Kitty does not tolerate bullshit.  If I wasn't allergic to real life kitties, then Lyme Kitty would be my very best friend, and I would take her with me wherever I went.

No comments:

Post a Comment