Friday, June 15, 2012

The Time I Threw Salt On A Priest.

     First of all, I did not intentionally throw salt on a priest.  I would never do that to anyone, much less a man of the cloth.  Unless he asked me to.  But, if he asked me to do it, then I would be suspicious of his motives, and would have to ask to see his credentials.  But, I don't know what priest credentials look like, as I am not Catholic.  He could show me his community college i.d. card, and I would totally buy it.  And then I would throw salt on him for what could very well be untoward reasons.  But, I digress.
      Back to the story.  A few days ago, the hubby and I were sitting around telling tales about old times and whatnot.  We've been married for almost seven years, so we have heard most of each other's stories.  But, apparently, I had somehow neglected to tell him the story of how I threw salt on a priest.  I know, I couldn't believe my oversight, either.  It's a pretty short story, but I couldn't deny you this little gem.  (I may have a tendency to hold my stories in an overly high regard.)
     One day, probably ten years ago, I was eating lunch at an Applebee's because I'm classy.  So I'm eating my triple burger fajita nacho fries or some such nonsense, when I decide to liberally apply salt to my meal.  I do so love me some salt.  How my heart has yet to explode is a medical mystery.  But, alas, tragedy occurs!  The top comes off of the stupid salt shaker, and salt goes everywhere.  As I am not a risk taker by nature, I immediately scooped up some of the wayward salt and threw it over my shoulder into the Devil's eye.  (I think that's what happens when you throw salt over your shoulder, but I could be wrong.)  Just as I was sitting there congratulating myself on counteracting the bad juju that had been placed on me when I spilled the salt, I noticed a look of horror on the faces of my dining companions.  My younger brother was with me, and all he could do was point.  Slowly, I looked over my shoulder in the direction that I had just capriciously thrown a handful of salt.  And what did I see?  A priest eating his lunch with his back to me.  Oh, and an entire handful of salt all over his black suit thingy (again, not Catholic.)  But, he hadn't noticed!  So what did I do?  Point out my mistake, and apologize to the priest?  Heaven's no, that's what an adult would do!  We quickly paid our bill, and high tailed it out of there, certain that we would be struck down by lightening at any moment.  I have yet to receive punishment of any sort for this encounter, but for all I know, it could be any day now.  So, I wait...and watch.

Oopsie doodles!

12 comments:

  1. You're not Catholic so you're not obligated to confess to him. You're probably just fine!

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    1. I hope so, but I'm secretly expecting payback!

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  2. HAHAH!!!
    Perhaps their suits deflect tossed juju so that's why he didn't feel it?

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  3. There has to be some kind of meaning to all this. You threw it "into the devils eye" and it "landed on a priests back". I can't really come up with one right now though cause I have an intense headache ( too much wine and animal crackers last night). I think it's all good though and you're going to be ok. The priest on the other hand....

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    1. Those damn animal crackers'll get you every time!

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  4. I love me some stories and OMG, that's a good one!

    And if you're waiting for retribution, maybe that nut job in the parking lot was it. If he was a good guy, I am sure that's a mystery story he and his friends will tell for years to come. If not, then you applied a remedy. Hey, at least you paid your bill!

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    1. Ha, it's probably been told to many congregations over the years!

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  5. Replies
    1. Why, thank you. We aim to please around here. ;)

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  6. OK. I'm sure you are my long-lost twin now. How did you manage to escape my mother's womb without me noticing? That's PRECISELY the kind of crap that I do.

    Oh -- and that just made me spill roughly 3 TB of diet coke (with lemon slices) down my until-recently-white top. Thanks, beeyotch. :-P

    Love,
    the twin you left behind

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    1. Mwah-ha-ha! My evil plan to destroy all the world's white shirts is working! Oh, and I managed to sneak out of our mama's womb because apparently I got all the ninja genes. You should speak to mother if you have grievances about the unequal ninja power distribution.

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