The Special Needs Parenting Drinking Game

     Just in time for the holidays, I present to you the special needs parenting drinking game.  Should you choose to actually play this beast, I will not be held legally or morally responsible for your alcohol poisoning related ER visit.  As my son has an autism spectrum disorder, a lot of the rules of the game are based on that.  But, from what I'm hearing, they're relevant to a lot of SN parents.  A big thanks to the lovely Elle at Call Me Momah for giving me the idea.  She's a hoot and a holler, so I suggest you go visit her immediately.  (Well, read this post first, please.  That would be very cool of you.) 

 

The Special Needs Parenting Drinking Game

• Drink every time your child breaks something.  Finish your drink if he breaks something of great sentimental value.
• Do a shot each time you take your child to Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy, Behavioral Therapy, or any other kind of therapy.
• Drink every time your insurance won't cover an intervention.  Finish your drink if it will.  (Celebration time!)
• Do a shot every time Jenny McCarthy says something stupid or offensive.  Do two shots if it involves showing her boobies.
• Drink every time someone says so-and-so "was just like that when he was younger, and he's fine now."  Finish your drink if the person who says this is a relative.
• Do a shot every time your school system vetoes an intervention.
• Drink every time someone says, "But he looks normal."
• Drink every time a doctor ignores your concerns.
• Drink for every referral you get.
• Finish your drink every time you have to call your child's principal.
• Do a shot every time someone calls your kid weird.  Do another shot for each violent demise you imagine for the person who calls your kid weird.
• Drink every time your child reaches a hard-won milestone.  Finish your drink every time your child has a setback.
• Drink every time your child gets overstimulated.
• Drink every time your child is understimulated.
• Drink every time your child starts stimming.
• Do a shot every time you stay home from an event or family gathering rather than deal with the meltdown that is sure to follow.
• Drink every time your kid wakes up in the middle of the night.
• Drink every time your kid wets the bed.  Finish your drink if he wets your bed.
• Do a shot every time your kid has a meltdown.  Hell, take two shots.
• Drink every time your child eats chicken nuggets.  Finish your drink if he decides he no longer likes chicken nuggets.  Do a shot if he demonstrates this displeasure by throwing the chicken nuggets against a wall.
• Drink every time your child screams.  Finish your drink if the scream is coming from one of your neurotypical kids.  Do a shot if you're the one screaming.
• Drink every time your child refuses to let you cut his toenails, wash his hair, brush his teeth, etc.
• Drink every time your child plays in the sink.  Finish your drink if he has incorporated a box of tampons into his sink play.  (Thanks to Kimberly at All Work And No Play Make Mommy Go Something Something for that one!)
• Drink every time your child injures himself, someone else, or you.  Finish your drink if there's bloodshed.  Do a shot if the injury requires an ER visit.
• Drink every time he cries.  Finish your drink every time you cry.
• Drink every time you leave a store because of one of your child's meltdowns.  Finish your drink if you stay in the store for the duration of the meltdown.  Do a shot if someone calls children's services on you.
• Drink every time you watch a certain t.v. show for the billionth time.  Finish your drink every time your child has a conversation with you based entirely on said show.
• Drink every time your child refuses to go to school.  Finish your drink when he refuses to leave school.
• Chug for five seconds when your child learns to unlock the front door.
• Drink every time your child strips naked.
• Drink every time your child's feces ends up somewhere other than the toilet.
• Drink every time you replace your bathroom tile.
• Drink every time your child refuses to wear an article of clothing because it is itchy, scratchy, too tight, feels funny, etc.
• Drink every time your child dismantles a brand new toy, and then plays with just one piece.
• Drink every time someone says IEP, annual goals, data, or vaccinate.
• Drink every time you say an acronym.

     Well, there you have it.  Feel free to let me know any rules that I've missed in the comments section.  If you have been playing along as you read this, then you are completely schwilly by now.  Go to bed.  You're a mess.  And, no, I won't hold your hair for you while you puke.  I'm mean like that.