Saturday, May 5, 2012

5 Reasons Lady Gaga Can't Be Your Babysitter (And Stop Asking Me!)

     Recently, my six year old daughter, Sassafrass, asked me if Lady Gaga could pretty please with sugar on top be her babysitter.  I told her no, explaining that much to my displeasure Lady Gaga is not a friend of the family.  Logic did not prevail, and she continues to hound me about it.  Thusly, I have made a list of five arbitrary and random reasons why Lady Gaga can't be her babysitter.  I am hoping that the visual aids will help my case.

5 Reasons Lady Gaga Can't Be Your Babysitter (And Stop Asking Me!)

1)  Buddy the Stuffed Giraffe, aka your Very Best Friend in the Entire World, will not be safe.  Just look what she did to Kermit!  (Oh, the humanity!)
Above: Kermi-cide.

2)  She won't feed you.  Instead, she will make provocative fashion statements out of your dinner.  You WILL go hungry.
Above: Steak that is not in your tum-tum.

3)  She's a bit too liberal with the bubbles, there.  We're in a recession!  "Sorry, kid, I used all the bubble bath.  Guess your bath's gonna suck!"
Above: Reckless disregard for the price of bubble bath.

4)  The woman will not answer her phone!  What if there was an emergency?  That's just plain irresponsible!
Above:  Giving you the 'wait one.' 

5)  Yeah, about this one.  We're a military family, sweetie.  And I just can't condone her holding her weapons by the magazine.  Sorry.
Above: A deal-breaker.

Bonus Reason!!!
Above: The stuff of nightmares.

     And, there you have it, my list of random reasons that Lady Gaga can not be my children's babysitter.  Bt dubs, we absolutely adore Mother Monster around our house!  So, Lady Gaga, as I'm sure you are a devoted reader of my blog, please know that this was all in jest.  You can totally move to Tennessee and be our live-in nanny!  Pretty please with sugar on top?


  1. I'm sure she would f up my kids no more than I am. But then at least she'd get all of the blame.

  2. I know! I need to pass the buck to someone beside my husband. It's too easy doing it to him, and I get bored!

  3. Cannot. Breathe. Laughing so hard. Might puke. Nope, wait, just a burp.

    I love this. My son would end up loving her more than me, my outfits are no way as fun and stimmy as hers.