Thursday, May 17, 2012

And So It Begins.

     School has been out for all of two days, and my children have already lost their damn minds.  It would not surprise me in the least if it were discovered that their brains had somehow turned into jello and dripped right on out of their ears.  Much like a biblical plague, my house has been set upon by cranky, bored hellbeasts children.  After a mere forty-eight hours of unfettered access, every toy that has ever entered this house is now viewed as garbage, and the little turds are frankly insulted that I would dare think they should play with any of it.  There's also been quite a bit of bloodshed and tears (not mine.)  I'm pretty sure that my bathroom floor is going to have to be replaced...again.  Oh, and Skeletor has decided that he is madly in love with a pitchfork that he found in the shed!  Because that's not dangerous at all, right?  Oh em geezy, George and Weezy!
     And because it's summer vacation, the song "School's Out" by the illustrious Mr. Alice Cooper has been stuck in my head on repeat.  Which reminds me of watching him sing the song on the Muppet Show when I was a kid.  You should watch it.  It is a pretty accurate metaphor for my experience so far.  In this clip, the role of yours truly will be played by Alice (much as I hope it one day will be when I have my own Lifetime movie.)  Notice how I start out all calm and serene, pleased with the prospect of school being out for the summer.  But then things grow ominous.  I am surrounded by freaky, monster children.  They tease me and harrass me until the inevitable occurs.  That's right.  I transform into an evil devil rocking a red bodysuit and some fairly awesome boots.  Even as I type these words, I am overwhelmed by an urge to search for Halloween costumes on the interwebs.  It's happening, people.  You've been warned.  Beeeee-waaaaaare!

The change is upon me.

10 comments:

  1. I still have almost a month before my little monsters are set loose. Bless you for dealing with this already. I hope you and your house survive the summer!

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    1. I don't know where all you guys live, but apparently in TN they think our kids need to be out tending the fields or something. It's madness! The house may tumble down around us before the week is out!

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  2. Your school is already out! I'd die! We have a full month more and I still can't face the thought of having them home. Kill kill kill. How to homeschoolers do it?

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    1. I have no idea how they do it! Kudos to them, because I'm with you on the murderous tendencies! It doesn't help that I can't go out in direct sunlight because of my Lyme disease meds. It's like a perpetual rainy day here!

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    2. I also take medicine that makes me very sensitive to the sun. Find a great hat, lightweight long sleeve shirts, and wear awesome sunscreen like Water Babies 50. You will be a greasy disaster, but that will by you some time outside (just not between 11:00 and 2:00). A mom needs to see the sun to be happy!

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  3. School is out already? Did they start early.
    Come to Kim in Canada.
    I will make you margaritas and hold you.
    Wait that wasn't creepy...

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    1. No, not creepy at all! :) They started the third week of August, I think. When do you guys start?

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  4. Oh... my... that song is stuck in my head, too!!!

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